The Nightmares You Can't Forget
by cypsiman2
Summary: Everyone assumes that no one could really remember what happened in the Black Rose Arc, and certainly that the Black Rose Duelists wouldn't remember what they did under their power. But one night, Tsuwabuki remembers, no matter how much he wishes he didn't.


The Nightmares You Can't Forget

* * *

Mitsuru Tsuwabuki was seated in the theater. He was alone, the movie was silent. Scenes of men kissing women played out, no words were exchanged, the men simply kissed the women and that was that. Nanami Kiryu was there now. They were seated together, Tsuwabuki put his hand on hers, kept it there. He looked up at her, felt that stirring inside and then...and then...Scream! Swords came out of her chest, the light caught on the black rose ring he wore, he took hold of those swords and pulled on them and heard her screams fade and the light fade from her eyes and he stood over her now a man and...

Tsuwabuki woke up, his whole body shaking. His head spun and his stomach lurched and he felt the bile in his mouth. "Was that...did, did I really...?" Tsuwabuki leaned over the side of his bed and threw up onto the floor, and even after everything was out he kept heaving, kept feeling that need to purge, kept feeling that filth that filled his being but all he could do was smell what he'd already emptied out. "Miss Nanami..." Tears stung as they came out of eyes that were already sore and swollen.

* * *

"Tsuwabuki." Mari knocked on his door. "Tsuwabuki, you're going to be late." There was no answer. "Tsuwabuki!" She grabbed the doorknob, it didn't budge. "Tsuwabuki, you unlock the door this instant!"

"No." His voice was thick and croaked like a frog. "Go away Mari."

Mari scowled. "Did she say something to you? Did she do something to you?" She didn't have to say who she was talking about, there was only one woman, one person in the whole world who got her ire up like this. "Answer me Tsuwabuki!"

"No." Mari barely heard that, she pressed her ear against the door to hear the next part. "Nothing she could do to me could match what I did to her..."

"What are you...oh, forget it!" Tsuwabuki was being Tsuwabuki and there was nothing she could do about it. "Go ahead and miss all your classes today, see what I care!" Mari stormed off, muttering and mumbling to herself.

* * *

"Tsuwabuki." Nanami knocked on his door. "Tsuwabuki, where were you today?" Honestly, he was supposed to have her lunch ready and her notes prepared and so many other things, and he didn't do any of them! "You have a lot of explaining to do, so spill it!"

"I'm sorry Miss Nanami, I won't bother you again."

"Eh?" Nanami blinked. "That is not the problem Tsuwabuki."

"Yes it is." She listened...he was crying? "I shouldn't be anywhere near you after what I did."

"What you did?" Nanami narrowed her eyes. "What are you talking about Tsuwabuki?" There was no answer. Nanami grabbed the knob, it was locked, so she got out her Student Council Skeleton Key that she'd 'borrowed' from her brother and opened the door. "Tsuwabuki, I've had...enough...?" Tsuwabuki was curled up on his bed, even smaller than usual, and the stench in the room, what was that? "Tsuwabuki, what's going on?" This was even worse than that day, he'd cried in front of her but he'd still been able to stand and face her. She walked over to him, and at least she figured out what the stench was; there was dried up vomit on the floor. "Tsuwabuki, are you sick?" For a split-second she thought that Tsuwabuki reminded her of an egg the way he was curled up.

"Yes, I have to be sick." He sniffled as he spoke. "That's the only way I could have done something so awful to you Miss Nanami."

"Tsuwabuki, what are you talking about?" She stood in front of him, feet carefully positioned around where he'd thrown up. "Talk to me."

"...I remembered."

"Hmm?"

"I remembered...that day, in the theater...at least, part of it; it was a dream so it got weird but I know what I remembered and I know what I did and no matter how hard I try I can't make this feeling go away and I can't ever apologize enough for what I did or ever make up for it and so I should just stay away from you and you should just go before I hurt you again Miss Nanami." His words came out faster and faster as he went along until they crashed all around her at the end. She saw his face and how wet and sunken in it looked, like he hadn't been able to stop crying all day.

"Hurt me?" Nanami felt the memories rush back, the black rose ring on Tsuwabuki's finger, the pain that coursed through her body. "Oh." She sat down next to him. She sat there, she didn't move and neither did he. "Tsuwabuki." She put her hand on his shoulder. He cringed. "You know you're not going to get anywhere beating yourself up, right?"

"How can you say that Miss Nanami? I deserve to be beaten up."

"No you don't." Nanami injected forceful energy into her voice. "You've been watching me long enough, you know all the awful things I've done." Tsuwabuki eventually nodded. "And besides which, I know how you're feeling, exactly how you're feeling right now; you don't know who you are anymore or how you can ever fit into anything or what value you have, you're like some vermin to be exterminated with all the other buzzing insects that just won't go away." He looked up at her now. "You've lost that connection with that person that you'd pinned everything on and now the whole world is just this big gaping hole that wants to suck you in."

"You...how?" He looked back down. "Was it because..."

"No, it had nothing to do with you Tsuwabuki." She brought her arm around him. "It's going to take you a while to sort it out, it took me a while too, but let me tell you this; that might have been you in that theater in a way, but that's not who you are now." She stood up. "And I've always meant it you know; I've always liked you the way you are."

"You really mean that, Miss Nanami?"

"Of course I do; how many people do you know who are as capable and devoted as you?"

"I guess..."

"Like I said, this will take you a while but you'll get through this." Nanami nodded. "Now then, I'm going to get a mop and we're going to clean this mess up so you can have some decent air to breathe." Nanami stepped out of Tsuwabuki's room and saw Mari standing right in front of her. "Yes?"

"I'm sorry." Mari was looking down. "I always thought you were an awful black widow of a woman who was just using Tsuwabuki, and..."

Hoo boy, these kids, what was she going to do with them? "It's all right, you're probably not the last to think that of me; now if you were to tell me where I could find a mop around here that would be a big help."

"Yes, of course, right over here." Mari led her to the supply closet and soon she and Mari were in Tsuwabuki's room and together they cleaned up the mess he'd made.


End file.
